easy to lose yourself in a city so big. Lo-Anne’s Hep C Story
In 2005
About four years ago, in one of the newer subway cars, lit up so much you feel like you are in a fish bowl, I sat across from a poster with a man’s face, part of it looked, looked, well, like a burnt marshmallow. It said something like: If your face looked like your liver you would get treatment. No how, where or when. Gee thanks. I would, if I could, if I should.
A lot of stuff in a short time led me to that point in life-less-ness, 31/2 yrs of stuff, not nice stuff.……I put my dog of 12ys to sleep, saw the second plane hit the world trade center & worked next to the city’s ME office, where, for years, they identified the remains of 9/11 victims.……I began to drink vodka, insane amounts of vodka.…….one, then the other person I worked for moved on, job got too hard, job got sabotaged, job got too easy, got no job…….pre- then full on menopause, which became disruptive then destructive. .…… short term, followed by working memory, began to fail…….poor long term memory since childhood…… my brain was being fried; sunlight hurt, florescent lights hurt…….I was thirsty all the time …. physically getting weaker……..had no emotional control…….my closest & dearest friend had been using me but I had no clue & out of the blue he publicly dumped me…..already a loner I isolated myself, no social support, no friends…..the craziness of speed abuse……It is so very easy to lose yourself in a city so big……..bursitis so bad I had to take crosstown buses……..Hep C diagnosed, high titer w/some liver damage……abdominal surgery: It’s damn hard to get out of the hospital when you have no one to pick you up……quit drinking…..immediately started sleeping ……then crying……crying, ridiculous public displays of emotion….low self esteem, no self esteem……so so soooooo tired….crying…….31/2 years……
